A Brady Crisis Every Day in the Month of May – Day 3

So, another big old mess starring Marcia. ugh.

Marcia decides to go out with this kinda goofy guy named Charlie. He’s nice and all, but yeah, she’s pretty much scraping the bottom of the barrel.

dougOne day at school, this Doug Simpson guy, who’s the quarterback of the football team and has hideous hair that is two different colors, asks her out. Before he was Doug Simpson he was Friedrich von Trapp in The Sound of Music, but nobody seems to notice that. Anyway, Marcia says yes.

Then, OMG, she remembers.

My date with Doug is the same night as my date with Charlie.

BFD Marcia. Kids are starving in Africa.

Marcia goes home and explains the situation to Greg. He tells her (because Greg knows fucking EVERYTHING) to break her date with Charlie by telling him that ‘something suddenly came up’. In the 70s, ‘Something suddenly came up’ wasn’t as euphemistic as it is today. Now it means that you just have a big old boner.

When Charlie comes over to the Brady house to deliver some more wallpaper – because in addition to Marcia’s stupid guy trouble, they are also changing the wallpaper in the girl’s bedroom (that other shit was hideous) – she breaks her date with Charlie by using Greg’s sscu advice. In other words, she fucking lies. Charlie is all nice about it and says that it’s okay because, well, he’s one of those guys that women walk all over and trash in their blogs.

Okay, so THAT is all out of the way.

Later:

Marcia is in the family room talking to Doug on the phone. When she hangs up, Carol asks her to go tell Bobby and Peter to do their homework*. She saunters outside, all dreamy-eyed and acid trip-esque to tell them. Bobby and Peter are playing football. Peter throws the ball.

Hey, you guys…

BAMM! Football right in the middle of the mother fucking nose. Peter can’t throw worth shit.

Oh, my nose!

marcia noseHer nose swells up like a balloon. She looks absolutely horrid.

When she is at school, Friedrich – oops, my bad, I mean Doug – sees her swollen nose. He cancels their date by telling her that ‘something suddenly came up’. Well, if that ain’t some shit. You would think that she would have learned her lesson since THE EXACT SAME THING – only in reverse – happened to her at her damn slumber party.

The next day when Marcia wakes up, her nose is perfectly back to normal. No faint bruise spots, or gradual decrease in swelling; no nothing. That’s because the Brady’s live in a magic fairy house where bad shit just disappears overnight. Like their house is built on some Twilight Zone Voodoo gravesite or something.

Doug sees Marcia’s normal nose and tells her that the date is back on. She tells him she can’t because ‘something suddenly came up’.

OMG, will you people stop using that term. It’s NOT, “Something suddenly came up”, it’s, “Fuck off, bitch”.

Marcia confesses to Charlie what she has done. How she broke their date so she could go out with Doug. Again he says that it’s okay because he’s a doormat.

They go out on their date. Happy ending.

*in the movie version it was to tell them that dinner was ready, so don’t leave me comments telling me I got that shit wrong.

Moral of the Story: Don’t take advice from Greg.

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