A Brady Crisis Every Day in the Month of May – Day 9

It’s time for the school play. Romeo and Juliet. How kids in jr. high are expected to remember entire Shakespeare dialogue is beyond me.

Marcia tries out for the part of the nurse. Juliet’s babysitter. How un-spotlightesque is that? I guess she wants to keep it on the down low. Anyway, she gets the part of Juliet.

Carol: Your teacher called. You got the part of Juliet.
Marcia: But, I tried out for the nurse.
Alice: But you got the part of Juliet
Carol: Isn’t that great?
Marcia: GREAT! I think it’s awful.

Everyone is perplexed. Marcia is such Prima Donna in her real life. Why doesn’t she want to be Miss I’m All That in the school play? What’s her deal?

Mike and Carol talk to her. They find out that Marcia doesn’t think she’s beautiful and noble enough to play Juliet. Also, she thinks the only reason she got the part is because her mother is the chairmen of the school play committee.

Geez Louise Marcia, it’s just a stupid school play, not fucking Broadway. Get over it.

Her father tells explains to her that the teacher is not going to miscast the play just to please her mother.

Marcia needs convincing, so…Commence the brainwashing. Everyone starts telling Marcia that she’s


To quote the infinite wisdom of Mike Brady, “You are who you think you are”. Dude, you stole that from somebody.

The brainwashing works. MKUltra Brady style. Marcia’s head gets really, really, really super big. She thinks she’s Fillmore Jr. High’s answer to Sarah Bernhardt.

She’s so conceited that she even starts rewriting Shakespeare and coming up with her own dialogue.

haroldOne day, her counter-part Romeo – played by spectacled Harold Axelrod -comes over to the Brady house to rehearse. Marcia is a total bitch and tells Harold how awful he is as Romeo. She wishes that he wasn’t even in the play.

At a school play rehearsal Marcia is absolutely horrid. She’s mean. She’s snotty to the teacher. Unbeknownst to her, Carol is in the wings witnessing the whole thing. After the rehearsal, Mrs. Brady talks to the teacher and they decide that Marcia must be let go.

Later at home, Carol tells Marcia that she is kicked out of the play. She will be replaced by her understudy.

You’ve become impossible to live with.

Marcia flips out. She resorts to ugly-face histrionics.

Later, Mrs. Brady receives a phone call from the teacher. Lady Capulet has the mumps. Where are they going to find a Lady Capulet at the last minute? Marcia enters the room.

Mom, do you think they’ll let me do it. I promise to learn all my lines word for word and I won’t cause any trouble.

Welcome back to the play darling.

Moral of the Story: Don’t flatter teenagers. It fucks with their head. Besides, aren’t they already screwed up enough?


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